When Life Hurts….

September 18, 2014 is a difficult day.  It is one of those days when I question the very need for my existence.  I really wonder why God even bothered to make me.  My life has been nothing more than a series of heartaches, headaches, lonely days, lonely nights, frustrating situations, trials and the list goes on.  Today life really hurts.  I wonder if it is even worth going on…

I know the scripture.  I am like Timothy…I have known a lot of God’s Word since my youth. I was reared under the influence of a Godly grandmother who, although she could not read, knew many scriptures by heart and taught those same verses to me.  I do not doubt my salvation for an instant.  The Bible says that if confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead, and if I repent of the life of sin that I have lived, I am saved.  I know that my eternity is set.  None of that, however, makes me feel any better at THIS moment.  At this moment, I am hurting and knowing that an eternity that I have no idea about is not helping me at all.  I do not want to be like Elijah, who said he hated the day he was born, but in many ways I am like Elijah, because today, the depression is tackling me down to the ground.  I feel like going to bed and staying there.  Forever.  Not a good feeling…

I feel like an animal who has been trapped in a steel cage.  If the animal thinks back to just a little bit ago, he was as free as a bird, living life and having a ball, and then he ran into the trap, and life has taken on a whole new meaning:  a dismal meaning, one with very little hope, absolutely no joy, and one that would make even the sun frown.  This has been my life for thirteen years now…and when I look back more than thirteen years, I did not realize how good I had it.  I was much more free than now, I lived life and had a ball, and then I ran into the trap that most people call marriage.  My life has taken on a whole new meaning:  one with no hope, no joy…only sadness and misery.  If I could only turn back the hands of time…

If you are single right now and you desire marriage, I caution you to think long and hard before you commit to someone that you THINK is a Christian.  He could turn out not to be, which is what happened in my case.  You will wake up one morning and wonder. “What on earth have I done?!”  Please do not let that be your story.  Take it from one who knows how it feels when life hurts.

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